My Birthday: 2010
Adam age 4 - sipping a "Shirley Temple" at the Pink Elephant in Boca Grande
On Friday, July 9th, I celebrated my birthday. One of my clients and a dear friend, Sue, had invited me to a birthday lunch. I met her at around noon at her office on Boca Grande, and as we finished some work, the conversation of where we would go for lunch ensued.
Another friend, Addie, was joining us. She and Sue talked about what restaurants were open even though it was summer, and off-season. One of them mentioned The Pink Elephant. I hadn’t been to The Pink Elephant in many years. And for a moment, I thought about the last time I had been there. But I continued with my work, and did not dwell on it.
At around 1:30 – we were ready to go… the decision had been made. The Pink Elephant was our destination. As we arrived at the restaurant, my memories flooded in.
The last time I had been to the restaurant – my beautiful boy, Adam, was just shy of 4 years old. I was living in Connecticut at the time, and Adam’s father, Leszek, and I were visiting my parents in North Port. We spent quite a bit of time on Boca Grande. The beautiful island was becoming one of my favorite places.
It was New Years Eve (or maybe the day before). Our time in Florida was coming to a close. We brought our beautiful boy with us for an outing on The Island and stopped at The Pink Elephant for a drink. The waitress came to the table and asked him what he would like. In a very adult voice, he ordered a Shirley Temple. I remember watching as his beautiful rosebud lips turned red from the maraschino cherries in his drink. I took several photos of him.
As Sue and Addie and another friend, Pam, and I arrived at The Pink Elephant on Friday, I could feel the memory creeping in. I began to see Adam. His bright red lips – the straw, the pink drink. The host asked us if we would prefer outside or inside, and Sue turned to me. I stuttered as I uttered, “outside”. I was swept into my memories. I sat in my seat at the patio table.
I could feel my heart beating strongly as I shared with my lunchtime companions the moment that I was re-living. Their kindness was palpable. Every one of them a mother, herself. Understanding and sharing the poignant sadness of the beautiful memory of my son, Adam.
Today I tackled a batch of photos in search of the “Pink Elephant” moment. It was within seconds that I found the photo. And I’m so happy as I think how Adam came through at lunch time on Friday, and helped me to relive a vivid, beautiful moment of our time together.
I love you Adam. Thank you for the beautiful present.
A Note to Marie Osmond
Dear Marie,
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your beautiful son, Michael. I can see what a dedicated and supportive woman you are, and what a wonderful mother. It’s such a shock and so painful.
I am writing because I have walked in your shoes. My beautiful son, Adam, took his own life on Jan. 11, 2008. He also left a note. He also was beautiful and well loved.
I am not writing to explain anything, because it is truly the unthinkable. But I am writing to say that I have found some comfort as time has gone on. I thought it would kill me. But it hasn’t. I have learned to listen for Adam’s voice. I refuse to say goodbye to him. I do believe that the spirit survives death, and although there are huge mysteries … all religions point to the survival of the spirit. I miss my Adam’s skin, but I still have his heart.
I hope you will find some comfort as you travel this very difficult road. I want you to know, that if you ever want to talk, as one mother to another, I am here for you. I will pray for you and your family.
Marie, just one more thing… don’t let your thoughts gravitate to the place where you take any blame for this. That is grief’s darkest road, and you will get lost on it. I know you did your best as a mom… and you know it… and Michael knows it too. Don’t punish yourself. That’s a dark tunnel – which doesn’t lead to anything good. Just remember how much you love him. And anyone could see that you do. I don’t mean to give you advice… I just know these few things about suicide, grief and recovery.
God bless you, Marie. And God bless Michael.
Love,
Bobbie Marquis
www.nomoresuicides.com
