Out of the Darkness 2008
On October 26th we walked to raise funds for suicide prevention. It was a beautiful sunny day on the beach, and the atmosphere was sad but loving. I was reflecting on my beautiful son, Adam who committed suicide on Jan 11. I still experience a jolt when I realize that he is dead. I do believe that his spirit lives, thus the name of our team.
If you are suicidal, there is a phone number to call: it is 1-800-273-TALK. Please call. Please stay alive. You are more important than you will ever know. Life is beautiful and the hard time will pass. I will be missing Adam for the rest of my life.
The Walk 2008
Well the walk was Sunday, and after a few very busy workdays, I’ve had a chance to look at the pictures and collect my thoughts.
There were so many wonderful moments.
A huge Thank You !!! To all who participated. Those who donated and walked in Sarasota and those who walked and donated in Manchester. Together we raised over $6,000 for suicide prevention studies.
Chris organized the Manchester walk, and she and I have had so many conversations throughout the months since Adam died. She is the mother of Adam’s girlfriend. She came to love Adam in the short time that she got to know him. He loved her too. She and her husband totally embraced him. She and I have talked a lot about turning this tragedy into something that can help someone. I’m grateful that she has helped me to see that I can keep going forward and that something positive can come from this.
Chris sent me some photos from the Manchester walk and I’ve got some shots from the Siesta Key (Sarasota) walk. I’m putting them together and will post a small slide show… so watch this space.
I am inspired by so many conversations that took place on Sunday. We talked through our tears about our loss, our learning, our faith, our hope and how we cope. As we walked.
It is a profound experience to be with others who have lost their son, brother, friend, cousin, nephew, grandson… and of course all of that in the female gender too. But what was so profoundly sad was that so many of the people who have committed suicide were so young. And beautiful. Just like Adam.
That’s what surviving suicide is about.
Walking Tomorrow
Tomorrow morning is the “Out of the Darkness” suicide prevention walk. I’m anticipating it with a very heavy heart. How can a mother or a friend even prevent someone they love from committing suicide.
Answer – they can’t.
Suicidal thoughts – hopelessness, despair… the feeling of being backed into a corner. One person doesn’t cause it… and one person cannot prevent it. Even as I type these words my heart aches.
As survivors we are faced with the questions – what did we do, what didn’t we do, what should we have done, what could we have done. We try to explain, understand and even justify. But always we are left in the same place. And we try to explain it to ourselves over and over again. And to feel ok, we need to constantly remind ourselves that this is so much bigger than us. We couldn’t cause it and we couldn’t stop it.
Being involved in this walk has helped me alot. I’ve had the chance to feel like something I do can make a difference, and I believe that the research that the AFSP is doing is powerful. There are some important studies being conducted. One that grabbed my interest was “how to treat the adolescent who has had an attempt ” – going forward, to ensure that they don’t repeat. Adam had a suicide attempt when he was 17. He ultimately took his life at 23. It is a critically important study.
Thank you to everyone who supported this walk. Between the walk in Siesta Key and the walk in Manchester CT – we will have raised about $5,000 to fund studies like these.
