Journey
The journey through grief is a windy road. The twists and turns continue throughout our lives. When the loss is new, the pain is excruciating.
I remember standing outside and looking up at the sky and pleading for Adam to come back… pleading for him to reveal himself. Where did he go? I saw him in the eagles soaring, the rabbits, the reflection of sunlight on the water. Every drop of nature reflected Adam to me. The air seemed to form tiny crystals and I saw him in them. I felt the breeze like his breath. I believed in all of these manifestations and they comforted me.
The pain eased. It now comes in the form of a wave… unexpected reminders that stir the embers. Sometimes a rogue wave will hit me and I call out to him. The shower is a great place for this… the sound of my cry disguised by the running water. Emerging to blow dry and dress… tears washed away for the moment.
The worst part of grief as the years pass is the missing. Missing his voice, his skin, his laughter and all of the traits that were uniquely Adam’s.
I am dredging today – because tomorrow I walk for suicide prevention and I am remembering. I will see the sorrow on the faces of the other survivors and they will see mine. I will remember Adam. My beautiful son, who left this earth too soon.
Out of the Darkness 2008
On October 26th we walked to raise funds for suicide prevention. It was a beautiful sunny day on the beach, and the atmosphere was sad but loving. I was reflecting on my beautiful son, Adam who committed suicide on Jan 11. I still experience a jolt when I realize that he is dead. I do believe that his spirit lives, thus the name of our team.
If you are suicidal, there is a phone number to call: it is 1-800-273-TALK. Please call. Please stay alive. You are more important than you will ever know. Life is beautiful and the hard time will pass. I will be missing Adam for the rest of my life.
The Walk 2008
Well the walk was Sunday, and after a few very busy workdays, I’ve had a chance to look at the pictures and collect my thoughts.
There were so many wonderful moments.
A huge Thank You !!! To all who participated. Those who donated and walked in Sarasota and those who walked and donated in Manchester. Together we raised over $6,000 for suicide prevention studies.
Chris organized the Manchester walk, and she and I have had so many conversations throughout the months since Adam died. She is the mother of Adam’s girlfriend. She came to love Adam in the short time that she got to know him. He loved her too. She and her husband totally embraced him. She and I have talked a lot about turning this tragedy into something that can help someone. I’m grateful that she has helped me to see that I can keep going forward and that something positive can come from this.
Chris sent me some photos from the Manchester walk and I’ve got some shots from the Siesta Key (Sarasota) walk. I’m putting them together and will post a small slide show… so watch this space.
I am inspired by so many conversations that took place on Sunday. We talked through our tears about our loss, our learning, our faith, our hope and how we cope. As we walked.
It is a profound experience to be with others who have lost their son, brother, friend, cousin, nephew, grandson… and of course all of that in the female gender too. But what was so profoundly sad was that so many of the people who have committed suicide were so young. And beautiful. Just like Adam.
That’s what surviving suicide is about.
Appreciating the OtherGround
Wrestling was an important part of Adam’s life. When he was 15, he joined the high school wrestling team. His interest in martial arts prompted him to started posting in an on-line community call the OtherGround Forum, at a mixed martial arts website www.mixedmartialarts.com. Read more
