My Birthday: 2010
Adam age 4 - sipping a "Shirley Temple" at the Pink Elephant in Boca Grande
On Friday, July 9th, I celebrated my birthday. One of my clients and a dear friend, Sue, had invited me to a birthday lunch. I met her at around noon at her office on Boca Grande, and as we finished some work, the conversation of where we would go for lunch ensued.
Another friend, Addie, was joining us. She and Sue talked about what restaurants were open even though it was summer, and off-season. One of them mentioned The Pink Elephant. I hadn’t been to The Pink Elephant in many years. And for a moment, I thought about the last time I had been there. But I continued with my work, and did not dwell on it.
At around 1:30 – we were ready to go… the decision had been made. The Pink Elephant was our destination. As we arrived at the restaurant, my memories flooded in.
The last time I had been to the restaurant – my beautiful boy, Adam, was just shy of 4 years old. I was living in Connecticut at the time, and Adam’s father, Leszek, and I were visiting my parents in North Port. We spent quite a bit of time on Boca Grande. The beautiful island was becoming one of my favorite places.
It was New Years Eve (or maybe the day before). Our time in Florida was coming to a close. We brought our beautiful boy with us for an outing on The Island and stopped at The Pink Elephant for a drink. The waitress came to the table and asked him what he would like. In a very adult voice, he ordered a Shirley Temple. I remember watching as his beautiful rosebud lips turned red from the maraschino cherries in his drink. I took several photos of him.
As Sue and Addie and another friend, Pam, and I arrived at The Pink Elephant on Friday, I could feel the memory creeping in. I began to see Adam. His bright red lips – the straw, the pink drink. The host asked us if we would prefer outside or inside, and Sue turned to me. I stuttered as I uttered, “outside”. I was swept into my memories. I sat in my seat at the patio table.
I could feel my heart beating strongly as I shared with my lunchtime companions the moment that I was re-living. Their kindness was palpable. Every one of them a mother, herself. Understanding and sharing the poignant sadness of the beautiful memory of my son, Adam.
Today I tackled a batch of photos in search of the “Pink Elephant” moment. It was within seconds that I found the photo. And I’m so happy as I think how Adam came through at lunch time on Friday, and helped me to relive a vivid, beautiful moment of our time together.
I love you Adam. Thank you for the beautiful present.
Suicide Prevention on the College Campus
My son, Adam Szychowski was a senior at the University of Connecticut when died by suicide.
Adam (2nd from left) with his best friends.
He was 23. His suicide took place during the winter mid-semester break. Adam had achieved 20 credits in the fall semester, and had made dean’s list. It was his best semester ever.
He was one of only a few students who remained on campus. He loved his apartment, and the independence of living there, and it was only a 30 minute ride to his father’s home. I had wanted him to come to Florida and spend his break with me, but he insisted that he had too much work.
There were bits of information that I did not have at the time. Adam’s stellar performance was in part due to his prescription of Ritalin. He was not only taking Ritalin, but he was taking it in excessive doses, and at times paired with alcohol. Little by little during the fall semester, he had begun to unravel mentally even as he excelled academically. Lack of sleep played a role in his unraveling.
As I look at what happened to Adam, I realize that what I have now learned could have helped me to intercede before Adam felt he had no options. He had painted himself into a corner, and he felt he had only one option.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has an initiative that is focused on suicide prevention on the college campus.
Please follow the link below and support the AFSP in their efforts to prevent college student suicide.
AFSP: College Student Depression and Suicide
AFSP: College Student Depression and Suicide
AFSP: College Student Depression and Suicide
A Note to Marie Osmond
Dear Marie,
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your beautiful son, Michael. I can see what a dedicated and supportive woman you are, and what a wonderful mother. It’s such a shock and so painful.
I am writing because I have walked in your shoes. My beautiful son, Adam, took his own life on Jan. 11, 2008. He also left a note. He also was beautiful and well loved.
I am not writing to explain anything, because it is truly the unthinkable. But I am writing to say that I have found some comfort as time has gone on. I thought it would kill me. But it hasn’t. I have learned to listen for Adam’s voice. I refuse to say goodbye to him. I do believe that the spirit survives death, and although there are huge mysteries … all religions point to the survival of the spirit. I miss my Adam’s skin, but I still have his heart.
I hope you will find some comfort as you travel this very difficult road. I want you to know, that if you ever want to talk, as one mother to another, I am here for you. I will pray for you and your family.
Marie, just one more thing… don’t let your thoughts gravitate to the place where you take any blame for this. That is grief’s darkest road, and you will get lost on it. I know you did your best as a mom… and you know it… and Michael knows it too. Don’t punish yourself. That’s a dark tunnel – which doesn’t lead to anything good. Just remember how much you love him. And anyone could see that you do. I don’t mean to give you advice… I just know these few things about suicide, grief and recovery.
God bless you, Marie. And God bless Michael.
Love,
Bobbie Marquis
www.nomoresuicides.com
Myth and Humanity
Adam as a Hussar by Carl Mefferd
Adam loved mythology. When he was about 8 years old, he became extremely curious about myths. At that time, he began to read about Roman mythology… and he later read Greek, Norse, Celtic and Indian. He was drawn to the archetypal stories of heroes, life journeys, stuggle. In school, he was often sidelined at that time. It wasn’t until 4th grade that he began to emerge as a gifted and unique thinker. Before then, he was just viewed as different.
His attraction to the heroic struggles of ancient men never waned. He often painted or drew characters from ancient Rome. He listened to music from the Russian Army Band… large, bold dramatic movements. And whenever a particularly challenging event was in his path, Adam loved to listen to Queen. “We Are the Campions.” It was at these times that he would pace and listen to the driving music, and deeply contemplate and psych himself into the frame of mind of confidence, certainty… clarity of purpose, determination.
I often hear Adam telling me to be braver. I hear him telling me to stand up and to step forward and to believe in myself and in my purpose… these must have been the messages he heard from the gods… his coaches in his life’s short journey.
Christmas is Here: Hold on Tight
Jack Frost, Adam's Favorite Christmas Ornament
The tree is trimmed, lights are on the house, a wreath at the front door. Cards arriving… unwritten cards in a box waiting for my attention. I can’t seem to pick up a telephone to call a friend, nor a pen to write a note. I’m doing what I need to do, but I feel like I’m walking through a pea-soup fog.
On January 11, it will be two years since my beautiful boy passed from this world. I still can’t believe it. It hits me most when I am in the car or in the shower. That’s when I cry the most.
I thank God for the strength to continue to live and to love. I’m incredibly blessed with my loving son, Andre, who makes me laugh, and gives me hope. I’m blessed with a family of strong survivors who know what matters. We don’t focus on pettiness in our family, we’ve lost too much. We’re holding on tight.
Vote for AFSP
Please Vote for AFSP. Chase is choosing its charities and is using the vote to make that choice. If you would like to support the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, please visit the chase site linked below and enter your vote.
You will have to become a fan on the facebook page, but it is non-intrusive. We have so much work to do to prevent suicide. AFSP is very active in prevention on campuses and in the military. Research projects focus on all aspects of suicide causes and prevention.
Out of the Darkness Walk 2009
Please Support Suicide Prevention
Adam & I in Key West
I will be participating in the “Out of the Darkness” Community Walk for Suicide Prevention on Sunday morning in Siesta Key. I am walking in honor of my son, Adam Szychowski and to support the efforts of the AFSP (American Foundation of Suicide Prevention).
If you can walk with me I welcome you. If you cannot walk but would like to support this cause, please consider making a donation.
Adam was a brilliant, joyful, loving, creative soul. In a moment of darkness he did the unthinkable. Unfortunately, the statistics are staggering I am left with the pain of missing him.
This walk is my way of trying to do something. AFSP funds research into suicide prevention. It is a wonderful and brilliant organization, and I’m hoping that they will be able to save lives.
To walk with me: Go to : www.outofthedarkness.org and register to walk. When you register, sign up as a team walker, our team is called “ADAM LIVES” (You can also register the morning of the walk at Siesta Beach) The walk begins at 9:00 A.M at the Siesta Key Pavilion. Registration begins at 8:00.
To Donate: Visit my page at the “Out of the Darkness Walk”
I appreciate your support… together maybe we can prevent even one needless death.
Adam Taking a Polar Bear Swim
Don't Do It!
